Expletive Deleted

I seldom swear in public.

No, seriously. It's just not something I do. Normally.

Which is not to say I don't swear. It just happens so irregularly, that people comment when I do. About a month ago, after dealing with nincompoops from the cable company that my mother had an account with - I let out a few choice words.

Wide eyed and slightly stunned my co-worker said, "I've never heard you swear."

I'm sure she's mistaken. I'm sure I've expressed myself colorfully a time or two since March when she started work with us. I've certainly been frustrated and exasperated enough to.

Which brings me to the Friday night just past. I was at home, so technically it wasn't in public. Trust me though, the air was blue.

We just found out that the apprenticeship position that my husband had been so certain was going to lead to something grand does not exist. So much so that the miscommunication led to him leaving his last job. But now, after advertising the position and interviewing for it and telling him to hold tight for a couple of weeks, they've decided not to take on new people.

Oh goodness did I swear!

Not at my husband, that would be cruel.

But at the entire situation.

After I got the angries out, I did count my blessings. At least I'm working full time and I have my part time income from the Internet. At least he is on the sub list for the school board and he is getting calls. We're not destitute, but we are operating without a safety net.

That's freaking me out.

I have enough doubts about my abilities, enough worries about my progress to have put me into a spiral of self-pity. At least temporarily.

I know we'll get through it. I know in the end it will all be okay.

Meanwhile, $(&%(*$&(%)W*&$%)(W$*&%(_$)W!